“Mummy papa, I can’t do JEE, so suicide, I am (a ) loser worst Daughter, sorry mum my PaPa.” Suicide note by an 18 year old JEE aspirant, who committed suicide in Kota on 29th January 2024. She is the second aspirant to commit suicide in a week’s time. Suicide is not uncommon among JEE (engineering entrance test) or NEET ( medical entrance test) aspirants. There were 26 suicides in Kota alone, India’s coaching capital, infamous for tragic incidents.
Why is this 18 year old girl had to commit suicide? Why this 18 year old girl had to leave this note for his parents? It’s not that the parents did not love her or would not love her if she failed JEE. Perhaps they could not communicate to her about their unconditional love. Every parent puts some pressure on children to perform. It is required as well. In case of this young girl there was an error of perception for the love of parents towards her. She thought that her life is valueless, that she will not be loved and valued by the parents, by her own self and by the society if she did not clear JEE. She thought she doesn’t deserve to live if she cannot clear JEE. Maybe she thought that she will be devoid of love, and she will be a burden on her parents without clearing JEE. These are usually the perceptions among adolescents who commit suicide. A timely detection of such perceptions, feelings and timely intervention to change these perceptions and feelings can stop many suicides.
Children with dysfunctional stress often have following symptoms:
- Low or high BP, fever, indigestion etc
- Bad sleep, irregular eating.
- Disconnected with friends and family.
- Poor communication.
- Not involved in any socialising, outdoor games.
- Fear and anxiety.
- Sense of helplessness.
- Lacking in self-love and self-value and self-esteem.
Any of these symptoms should not be ignored. Initiate conversation and communication with your child. If required ask siblings or someone close to the child , preferably a professional psychologist or social worker, well trained in counselling skills, to talk to the child in a non-Judgementall, non-advising mode.
Steps to prevent suicide among adolescents:
- Parents to put performance pressure as per the capability of the child.
- Keep checking and be aware that the pressure is not too much to handle.
- From the childhood, parents should accept the success and failure of the children. Let both parents and children appreciate both success and failure. Praise your children when they succeed. Accept failure and analyse with children the lessons learnt from failure. Make your children realise the importance of failure in life. Amitabh Bachchan often quotes “Babuji, (father) would always tell me, if things happen as your wish it’s good, if things don’t happen as your wish it’s even better”.
- Parents expression of love towards the child should be independent of the performance of the child .
- Parents should also communicate to their children that their love is unconditional towards them and not dependent on their academic failure or success.
- Every family should have a family psychologist who understands the dynamics of the family and is consulted frequently for any kind of dysfunctional stress in any member of the family.
- Need many spaces and many professionals who create an enabling non-judgemental environment to allow students to do catharsis, to release the pressure of performance, to understand their perceptions about themselves and about the society, to enhance their self-esteem, self-value, and teach them to love themselves, and accept themselves as they are.
- Need psychologists for life coaching of every student, who can identify their true potential, understand their capabilities and guide them accordingly.
- Need experts to help students cope positively with failures, to help them learn lessons from crisis and failures.
Dr Manju Agrawal
Founder, Mind Spa
